Yeah. 202o is turning out to be some year and I don't know what to feel at this point. We are all in the middle of such a unique moment in history that seems to take different turns every week. For much of the pandemic I have avoided the news because I felt it really negatively effected me every time that I did. But, in the last few days it has been impossible to ignore the amazing scenes of the Black Lives Matter protests.
Racism and racists themselves are both so confusing to me. I remember watching a Louis Theroux documentary where Louis speaks to a member of the KKK and hearing some of the awful things that this man said. I just don't get it. But, I understand how my environment of south west London has perhaps shaped me in a certain way to also be part of the problem with race. No one talks about it enough where I live! In a local Whatsapp group there was more talk of needing a car park to be opened in Richmond park so that the road is not clogged up by visiting cars than there was talk of the Black Lives Matter protests happening on the same day. Its confusing but I am not saying that these people are bad people because I don't think I am a bad person but then I also feel conflicted when I watch everything that is happening at the moment. I don't really post anything on instagram anymore and I don't even have it on my phone. I look at it on my laptop and whenever I go on it now my feed is flooded with everything to do with the protests. I haven't posted anything yet because I don't know what to feel about these online statements of support for a cause. Part of me looks at them as being a place where white people can get rid of some of their guilt by just posting or sharing something related to the movement and then they do nothing else. Conscience cleared and then they move on. I understand that this is actually an unfair and very negative way of looking at it. I haven't posted anything because I don't feel I can. I am not doing enough in my own life to be an active supporter of racial equality.
I saw a photo online of a sign that read 'silence is violence' and it has deeply effected me. It made me think about the fact I have not given any support online via social media and it made me think that perhaps I need to put aside my worries and just be vocal in my support. In my heart I support the need for equality in this world. I am part of a religion where unity and oneness are literally among the most important principles and yet I now feel really worried that my silence so far on this subject and movement is actually wrong. I really don't know. It is such a hard subject and I am so aware that as a white man from a privileged background that I need to be really careful about what I say and do on this subject because I could never understand or appreciate what it must mean to be black in 2020 and still feel prejudice.
To be honest, I really don't know what I am saying. I am trying to formulate my thoughts as they are coming to me but the truth is I feel so much confusion and conflict. I don't know what I should be doing. We all have our own individual paths of service and I guess with everything going on in the world now there has never been a better time to arise to just try and promote oneness and the importance of community. I just need to try and that way I will know that I will not be silent.
How does all this relate to the writing challenge? I'm glad I asked myself because I think I needed to remind myself. Thank you me. In the last few days I have written weird and kinda pointless scripts and I am sure todays one is equally as pointless. But, I have been feeling I need to try and make something in light of everything that is happening. Somehow that led me to two men having a discussion about what sort of nut is best. The moral? All nuts are different and it's ridiculous to think one is better than the other. I know. Ground breaking material in the genre of films about race. I'm trying guys. I am still trying to just improve at writing. There are a million and one complex and nuanced topics I want to write about and do them justice. But, I think what I am realising is that it's going to take a lot more work on my craft before I can get there. So, for now, I continue to practice and do no justice to any important subjects.
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