Hello. Welcome back to the blog.
This space was originally created to serve an idea I had during the first lockdown of the coronavirus pandemic in 2020. The task I set myself was to write 30 short film scripts in 30 days and do a blog post to go with each script. I succeeded, if you'd believe it, and it was a lot of fun that taught me a lot about writing and the creative process. The scripts themselves were mostly all terrible but I'm so glad that I did it. So much has happened since then. I had just turned 24 and only had one short film to my name, a little film called Letting Go.
I'd like to start the re-launching of my blog by reflecting on this, my first short film. It will be the first in a series of blog posts where I'll be reflecting on all the films I've made up to this point, one at a time, to try to look back at how the idea for each came about, why did I want to make it, how did I make it, what I learnt, how I see them now, how did they help to further my development as a writer/director and what do they say about what I was thinking at that time? If anyone reading this has not seen the film then by all means have a look by clicking on the big red button below.
Origins of the idea.
One of the best and weirdest evenings of my Masters degree was being sent to attend an improv workshop in Islington, London, that was headed up by the legendary acting teacher, Anna Scher (pictured below). This was all part of a module called 'the actor and the story'.
The aim of the module was to get us directors comfortable with improvisation as a creative tool when working with actors. So, off we went to the Anna Scher workshop on that fateful Friday evening in Angel early 2019 not knowing what to expect but hoping we'd learn something to help us with our directing. I'm not sure we did but what we did learn and experience was far more valuable and wonderfully mad.
The class went on to be a rollercoaster of emotions as we were integrated with the main group that attended every week. From working actors looking to practice an essential skill to your average builder looking for a way to burn off steam or, as we directing students soon learnt, to release deep emotion in one of the few truly encouraging and positive environments I've ever been in. As for Anna Scher, who I've now learnt is Anna Scher MBE, well, she was really something else. I'm not sure how old she was exactly but the Anna Scher Theatre School was established in 1968. She had a cane, spoke in a very quiet voice and wore a fantastic headband, similar to the one in the picture above. Given her advanced age she had people around her at all times. Her main assistant or helper was a young woman with down syndrome. I include this detail because it's a real testament to the inclusivity of her classes and indicates the amazingly safe environment she had created. An environment which went on to be my main take away from the experience.
One of the exercises we did was one where we all had to go up in front of the group, one by one, telling a story about our grandparents. Most went up and told funny little anecdotes about how their grandma or grandpa had bought them their favourite chocolate bar when their mum wasn't there or something along those lines. My own story was of my late grandfather and a story my dad told me. Allegedly there had been a time in my father's childhood where my grandfather took him into his bedroom and lifted up his mattress to show my dad where all the cash was. "If anything happens to me, this is where the money is." It was a funny story and got a laugh from the group. The atmosphere was light. I then retook my place in the group and watched on as others had their go.
Eventually a man in his fifties got up in front of the group. When describing him I hesitate to try and do it in the kindest way possible or maybe just preface the way I do describe him as not being from a place of judgment but more how I remember him; disheveled, unshaven and maybe a little odd looking. In the warm ups before I did, I admit, try to keep away from him in the main group. So, when I saw him stand up it caught my attention more than the others. The man began to describe his grandmother. I can't quite remember the details of the story other than it had something to do with her going to Pakistan to visit him when he was a child and subsequently taking him back to England. Unlike all the others who had gone before this was not a funny story. In fact, the more he spoke the more his voice began to crack and eventually he began to cry in front of everyone. I was twenty - three at the time and for sure lacked a lot of emotional maturity in this moment as it played out. So, when this man started to cry I was cringing inside. I couldn't believe he was crying in front of everyone about his his grandmother who, in his words "saved [his] life", at an improv class. Eventually Anna Scher stood up and moved the man on in the most gentle way as all clapped. Maybe I was not the only one who had found the oversharing a little much but, there was no way of knowing given how this man was received with such support. The class continued without skipping a beat and the next minute we were all dancing making animal noises in a main group with even Anna Scher MBE swinging her cane around to the music.
What really stuck with me and still stays with me now is the way improv (or improvisational theatre if we are being fancy) can be such a useful tool in helping people release their inhibitions, let go and take a leap of faith. The man who spoke about his grandmother, whether it was appropriate or not, felt safe enough to share his true self and there was a great beauty in that.
The story of writing, co-writing, casting, funding and general pre production.
Written and Directed by... so and so. I've always liked the way that sounded. But, prior to film school I'd never written a screenplay and therefore had no confidence in my own ability to write. As a cohort we were encouraged to collaborate on our final project with other students from the MA's in screenwriting, cinematography, post production and producing. I managed to nab my now dear friend and continued collaborator Martino Masi before many others noticed...
Martino was a cinematography student and had a real aura surrounding him at our film school. With tattoos on both arms, a cigarette always precariously balanced on his lips, dark features, cool glasses and the feel of a true artist he stood out. Of course, I later learnt he is as much of a loser as I am but a wonderful loser at that. It's a shame he sucks at Fifa. Nonetheless, everyone seemed to think the same way I did, in that, when directors were partnering up with DoP's they just assumed Martino was taken. His cool and talented aura had failed him. In the end I stole him and we've gone on to make four short films and work on two short commercial shoots together. I can confirm he is rather talented after all even if we bicker like an old couple who have soldiered on for too long.
Given my lack of experience in screenwriting I approached a screenwriting student to collaborate with also. Overall I can only say good things about the experience as they were really nice to work with, had a great attitude and were generous with their ideas. The only issue I see now was just a difference in styles between the two of us that meant in the final version of the film there is a slight disparity in the tone between scenes in the dentistry office and the improv class. It is important to say that, in many ways, this was always going to be a hard issue to solve given the fact I knew when it came to shooting that we were going to shoot real improv. You can't really script improvising because to script it is not improvising. Therefore I think this is what caused the tonal issues in the dialogue and flow of the final film. Having said all this, I wouldn't change what happened because without that experience co-writing I wouldn't have had the confidence or experience to go on writing other shorts on my own.
I can't remember who came up with making our protagonist a dentist but it certainly did make the story and locations far more interesting in the final film. After we'd figured that out the treatments incorporated the new starting point for our character. In one version a movie star came into his dentistry office and spoke about how much they loved improv and that Peter, our protagonist, should try it out to loosen him up. That idea went away quite quickly, thank god. However one of the harder issues remained, how do we get this character to go to the class when he doesn't want to?
I attended a drop in session at Hoopla Improv, London Bridge, to do some research into how other improv classes work. If you've never been to an improv class before I'd highly recommend it and would also recommend going to a similar session with Hoopla or the Free Association. At the class there were many fun games and ridiculous moments where people were able to be really silly without fear of ridicule. It was great. One of the things I also really loved was seeing people there in a range of ages and different outfits. Some of the more seasoned improvisers wore comfortable fitting leggings or tracksuits to move more freely when pretending to be a dolphin looking to get on benefits (of course) whilst others looked as though they were coming from their office jobs; rolled up shirt sleeves and Brogues safely placed to the side of the room, it was time for some organised fun.
But it didn't seem to matter as everyone, new or regular, gave it their all even if some were far more stiff than others. Coming away from this experience I knew I really wanted a protagonist who goes to an improv class like this and is totally out of their depth there but, eventually feels so supported that they can totally give themselves over the silliness and, as a result, undergo a profound transformation. The majority of people who go to these improv sessions or classes aren't wannabe actors but normal people looking for a fun way to express themselves for two hours a week, in an encouraging environment, and let go of some of the things that may have be worrying them.
These buttons will take you to websites where you can book a place in a drop in workshop!
Back to the issue: how do we get Peter to the class? At times, I feel as though screenwriting is just as much problem solving as it is anything else. When you're able to make something work in a non clunky way then it can be a really nice feeling. By this time I already knew who Peter would be played by. At The University of Nottingham I'd been involved with the student theatre on campus and had the opportunity to make some really nice friends through being in unnecessarily serious student theatre productions. It was great.
Harry Bradley was the hot shot in my first year, 2015, wowing everyone with his leading man role, Eddie Carbone in A View From The Bridge. I was in the same production and played a role we all coined, 'two line Tony'...because I played a man called Tony... and he had two lines. Three years on and a FILM DIRECTOR now, my thinking was "he's our Peter and we've got to get him goddammit!" I picture myself slamming the phone down to a reluctant producer whilst taking one last drag of a Marlboro Red cigarette. A menace to society who needed to make this film a financial success and Harry was the key...
In reality, it wasn't quite as cool or dysfunctional. Harry had gone on to study at drama school after his undergraduate degree at Nottingham and managed to get himself involved in 'Pop up globe' that was, at the time, touring in New Zealand and Australia. I gave him a ring to ask if he'd be interested and he was but very limited time wise. He would be back in England for two weeks at the end of August into September before jetting off again for the second leg of the tour. It didn't give us long to edit the film before submitting for our final project but it would be worth it. One of the best decisions I've made so far seeing as Harry and I have worked on five short films together now and who knows if we would have done that without this first one. But, having said all that, he was not the only Nottingham friend who would end up being in the film and go on to be in all five of those same short films. Eventually my co-writer and I came up with the idea that Peter would have a new receptionist working in his practice who invites him to come along to an improv class. It worked and we wrote the part for another friend of mine, Pippa Walton.
Pippa and Harry had worked together before at the Edinburgh Festival 2016 in a sell out run of The Great Gatsby. I went to see and They were great. Stars of the Nottingham New Theatre who were on their way to superstardom. Naturally, getting them involved in the short film I knew that whatever happened we would all get on (given our shared history), they would give great performances (even if they hadn't done film before) and the dynamic would work. So we'd managed to solve the problem that got Peter to the class!
Something that, for better or worse, has really informed my writing process at times is that I write characters, dialogue or stories for specific people. I've found it pushes on the process a lot faster if you know who you want to be in your film at this level. Other times this method might not work but it's a good place to start in my opinion. Harry and Pippa have not only been such generous and talented collaborators but also wonderfully kind hearted friends so, I doubt I'll ever stop writing characters for them moving forward. Big love to those two.
The script was coming together so it came time to start thinking about production and like every film at any level the first stumbling block was: "Where are we going to get the money?" Our film school spent all year lulling us into a false sense of security by always providing locations, equipment, sound recordists. But, by the time our final projects came around all they effectively said was "good luck". Looking back now I think there is a lot of merit in this approach. At the time maybe not. Nonetheless, filmmaking is not easy and you're going to have to put in a lot of work at the start to find creative ways to get your film made. Crowdfunding is certainly an option I'd recommend if you think you have people you could ask and it was the option I went with to make this first film. I set up a page on indiegogo, did the video saying what the film was about and shared it on facebook. A few weeks later I had one hundred pounds donated of the three thousand I was asking for. Needless to say I'd started to give up because I never thought it was appropriate to ask people directly. This was until my father sat me down to have chat about before we watched Chelsea vs Leicester at Stamford Bridge. A father son relationship is never easy and I'd be the first to admit that maybe I've not always appreciated my role in helping this relationship develop as I've gotten older. But, I'll never forget his advice to me on this day about the crowdfunding.
(I want to preface a something about this section where I will talk about advice given to me to with being bold or convincing people to believe in you. Believing in someone is not something limited to financial support. I've been so fortunate throughout my life to have people, whether it be family members, teachers at school or friends who have offered their own support in so many different ways that clearly indicated believing in me, or in others, that had absolutely nothing to do with money. This section is very contextual to being about crowdfunding and my own experience with it for this short film.)
Over the course of my childhood my dad would often share advice that his father had given to him. He wanted us to have something he would call "Zerang" which, in farsi, means something along the lines of being bold or savvy. The times I remember it being used most was when we were in the car and dad wanted to find a new route to avoid traffic. He'd take a side road and move us up the traffic line by maybe ten minutes. The ten minutes would be very key in the context of wherever we were going and he'd turn to us in the back seat and say, with one finger pointed to the sky, "You see? Zerang!"
Although he didn't use the word on this occasion when talking about my crowdfunding, its sentiment was there. "People always want to be part of someone's journey if you give them an opportunity." This was in reference to his own crowdfunding campaign of sorts in the 90s when he was raising money to put on a one man show at the Edinburgh festival. "I had no money to put in myself and neither did I want to, I knew it could be a slippery slope doing that. I had to get over the idea of asking people for money and just do it. I had to make them believe I was worth it." In the end, through the approach of convincing people to believe in him he raised the money and was able to go Edinburgh. Turning back to my situation he said, "I know I could give you the money to make your film myself but would you really want that? Think about how you might feel if you approached people asking them to believe in you and they did? Be bold Louis and you might be surprised." Even now I keep this advice with me when it comes to filmmaking. Maybe it is not the advice for everyone but, in this respect I think I would not have tried in the ways I have so far if not for this conversation. When we got home I rethought the budget and saw that maybe we only need two thousand five hundred to make the film and I knew indigogo would give me whatever amount we raised regardless of whether we hit our goal (after they take their 10%). With this in mind I set about writing some emails.
Here in an example of an email I wrote in trying to see if they might donate to the page. I've replaced the name of this person with John:
Dear John,
It was great seeing you the other day. Your added commentary when watching football matches can make a 4-0 loss to United a little easier to take. Sorry I didn’t say goodbye to you! I hope you are well and that the new job isn’t too tiring.
Sorry to email out of the blue, I’d just like to make you aware of my short film’s crowdfunding page! Feel free to ignore it but we are quite shy of our intended goal at the moment with less than 2 weeks left to our start. Below is the link to the page where there is a short 1 minute campaign video that outlines the key plot details.
There are also a few perks to donating a specific amount (including a private screening and snacks) but, you don’t have to select one. You don’t have to donate at all frankly! If, after watching the campaign video and looking at the page, you want to donate then that would be greatly appreciated!
My team and I (especially me) were keen to go down the crowdfunding route because the reality of raising money to get a film off the ground is harsh! So, I felt it has been an especially good experience for me so far as asking for free handouts from Mum and Dad wouldn’t be teaching me anything. And it does not reflect the nature of the industry I’m trying to break into! Hence why I am hustling now to try raise the money!
Many Thanks and hopefully see you sometime soon!
Louis
It should be said very clearly that this may not work for everyone and I admit myself I was in a privileged position. As with anything in life I guess it is important to read your reality and find a way to make things work. I'll always be incredibly grateful for the talk my dad gave me and for all the people who believed in me enough to help make my first short film.
By mid August we had our lead actors, the funding was in a good place and we had a good idea about what the script would be. The last step on this pre-production journey was location scouting. We needed a nice room to film the improv sequences in and we needed a dental practice. As you'd imagine finding a nice room is far easier than finding a dental practice. For the nice room I started by emailing almost every church in west London to enquire about each of their recreational spaces and how much they'd cost to rent on the days we were looking to shoot. Through a fair amount of effort we did find the perfect place. The nursery hall of St Michael and All Angels Church in Barnes, London.
Look at it. Nice huh? It had natural light, it was spacious and it was clean. Top tip when filming on a low budget - natural light will always be your friend. Use it, love it and be grateful for it. I sent this picture to Martino, he approved and I asked about price. I want to say I was a tough negotiator who threatened to walk from the deal after the initial five hundred pounds price. I didn't do that. I grovelled and said, "Please miss, I am but a lowly, privately educated, jobless, middle class Masters Student whose mummy and daddy are not paying for my film." It worked and they brought it down to three hundred and seventy five. Great success. Now the focus had to be turned back to finding a dental practice. I had no idea where to start. So, we did what anyone might do and ask around. We asked around and around. It even got to a point where we felt we might have to abandon that element of the story. But, I asked a friend who was a dentist all the way in York (who used to work in London) if they knew anyone. He was very helpful and put us in touch with another mutual friend who had a cousin who owned their own practice. There was a chance it could work and the next thing we knew we had a phone number for this Dentist. Now, I'm not sure I can express enough in words how wonderful this man is. I'm not so sure he'd want this name mentioned so we will call him Mr B. I called Mr B and he was already incredibly enthusiastic to help us out by inviting Martino and I to come down to his practice to see it.
We went to Mr B's practice. Mr B has an infectious smile and energy to him that was/is so joyful. He showed us around his practice that he said he'd only bought in the last year or so if I remember the details correctly. He even took the time to show us some of the less dangerous tools we could use for the sake of authenticity. As a write about this experience now I almost can't believe the level of genuine generosity from Mr B.
He did not know me personally but it turns out he did know my parents through our mutual friends and his cousin but, even then he was so sincerely kind and helpful. With all this being said Martino and I still asked if he was okay with us using the place and then got to asking when could we come. We suggested the Sunday and it worked perfectly given the practice was closed on weekends. Mr B said to come on the Friday before shooting to collect a key. A few weeks later I went back and he showed me how all the alarms and locks work. I couldn't believe it but we had our dental practice. All we needed to do was figure out how we were going to shoot in the two locations efficiently.
In the final week everything managed to come together. A good lesson was learnt about food. I didn't think it would be a big deal to offer nothing given my lack of experience on professional sets. But, remember this prospective filmmakers. Always provide food for your cast and crew. Always. Thank you Emily Bowell for hammering that home to me before production started. Listen to your friends, friends. When it came to casting a group leader for our improv class my co-writer and I agreed we wanted someone like Anna Scher. I give all credit to my mum for this one and she suggested our family friend to play the role of Marnie Wells, experienced improv leader. She was not an actor by trade but she was brilliant. Special mention should also go to Lizzie Butterick and Bessie Allen for their tremendous work for providing the costume in the film. Another shout out to Gigi George who co-produced the film and was particularly fantastic in making sure everyone got fed on set. As the final week before production came closing in we had just about got everything ready for the shoot days to come.
Shooting the film.
Looking back on the shoot days for Letting Go I am mostly filled with fond memories and appreciation for every single person who gave up their time to be a part of these days. But, before getting to some specific moments, or thoughts I'd like to highlight, I want to give a moment to how Martino and I planned our visual style.
I think something most young filmmakers will do is look to other films for inspiration if the film you want to make shares a similar theme. At the time I didn't know of any other films which focused around improv or improv classes, and I'm sure there are many. But, with the help of my personal tutor, I found lot of inspiration in Don't Think Twice directed by Mike Birbiglia. Great last name. There are a lot of excellent improv sequences in this film through the use of a steady cam and this surprised me because the idea of shooting real improv was worrying me in the weeks leading up to the shoot days. These sequences brought the viewer into the theatre space to see how intimate and funny improv can be but also how this intimacy can make it quite painful if it's not going well. Here is an example of an improv scene in the film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyGuKIkrC_g .
Not all of the film would be improv so there was a lot of room for Martino to express himself as a cinematographer. I remember sitting down in the cafe of our school to discuss some ideas. Martino said something (in his thick Italian accent) along the lines of, "my friend ow do you feel about doing the shooting in 4:3 aspect ratio?" To which, given my knowledge of the more technical side of filmmaking at the time or lack thereof, I probably replied: "I'm sorry, what?"
Martino, in his wonderfully gentle manner, went on to explain his idea that would use this aspect ratio and showed me this music video from Elderbrook & Rudimental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1EhXF1lskA. I loved it. Before writing this section I watched the video again and loved it even more. It's a lovely story about a group of men being vulnerable and supportive of each other. Also, it's shot beautifully in 4:3 aspect ratio. I was sold and I had trust for Martino to pull it off. In our first meeting when pitching the idea for the film to him I wanted to convey that although the film will be a comedy it doesn't mean we have to shoot it in that traditional comedy way where most of the action takes place in a wide shot. Anyway, enough of that now I need to get to the actual shoot days themselves.
This picture on the left was my mums old car and one of two cars that was needed to haul all our kit around in. Shoutout to Ben Smith who wore many hats on this shoot. One of which being co-delivery kit man to each location. Thank you Ben. Our first location was to St Michaels & All Angels where we shot our original ending for the film and the scene in the alleyway where Peter attempts to flee after an embarrassing emotional outburst. We shot the alleyway scene first and not only was it my first time directing my friends Harry and Pippa but it was also their first time shooting a scene on camera. They experienced it all from planes flying overhead to getting used to performing with so many people so intimately around you. They did a great job and overall I'd say that experience set a nice tone for the rest of the shoot where it felt like everyone was on board and wanted to see this film do well. But, Harry and Pippa were not the only people in the film of course and actually one of the biggest challenges with casting had been finding as many as upwards of fifteen extras who were happy to do some improv on camera. In the end, I think all of the extras who did come were what made the shoot so special and were key to creating such an uplifting environment to work in. We had friends from Nottingham, family friends, friends of friends, friends from my faith, people we met through improv facebook groups and friends from our masters course all show up and be involved. Shout out also to the crew who were always professional, fun to be around and included some very dear friends.
But, of course, one of the key sections of the film was the dentist office sequence thanks to the kindness and generosity of Mr B. I would say of all the shoot days I've done in my short three year career (by the time of writing this) that the twelve hour shoot in the dentist was one of the hardest. There were a lot of things to juggle on that day. From keeping people happy in the cramped space to dealing with an extra who was coming in to play a patient that didn't have any lines and not being happy about it. In that case we spent an extra fifteen minutes doing a close up we would never use just to keep them happy. On reflection I am torn as to whether that was the right thing to do but, it kept the stressful day moving smoothly. It was also on this day that I learnt and saw the incredible value of having an assistant director who could crack the whip. Andrea Ratti, wherever you are, I thank you for lending your talents on this day. You were fantastic and we finished earlier than we thought because of your professionalism.
Then came the last two days of shooting and when most of the pictures above were taken. We had saved perhaps the most important and daunting sequences for last. The real improv. It was on these two days where the experienced improvisers who leant their time to us really came through for the film. I'd been to a few classes and had tried to remember specific games I wanted in the film but, in the end a lot of the exercises you see in the film were offered by those improvisers on the days of shooting.
In one of the most important scenes of the film Peter finds himself in a group playing a classic improv game (the name of which is escaping me now) but it involves a topic being thrown at the ‘players’ for them to take and run with when building a scene. It’s a lot of fun to watch. The idea was that during this game Peter would slowly begin to get a little too real and reveal too much of his marital struggles through whatever scenario they were in.
We nominated a group of more experienced improvisers for this scene and we’d play the scene out as naturally as we could, with the rest of our improvisers sat watching as an audience offering suggestions for scene topics. The group on camera were free to do whatever came naturally to them but, they all had the key story beats of the film they had to hit and integrate. So many they weren't that free after all... Harry needed to show he was trying but, as I said, was beginning to overshare and Pippa had to just be aware of this building tension. Everyone else had to either see Harry as someone to help or be oblivious to his increasingly erratic behaviour.
We were about six takes in, each being up to 4-5 mins, (and they were really giving it their all) when Martino quietly suggested, “My friend ow about maybe we give them a break eh?” This was a real eye opener for me. In my ruthless and fake cigarette wielding obsessive state to get the right sequence of improv for the film, I’d forgotten these were people with only so much energy and so many ideas. I mean, for god sake, Harry’s pit stains were as big as the room itself. I asked if they needed a break and they all said no. They felt they were building something and wanted to keep going. Man, what a great group of people. We did two more excellent takes and had what we needed for that scene. Everyone watching agreed how tough it looked but also how much they just enjoyed watching. I’m sad that in the final film we used maybe five per cent of what we filmed. There was so much gold in those eight takes.
In the end I'm not sure what else there is left to say about the actual shoot. It's hard to remember details when so much was happening. There were special visitors who came to the set to visit me to see what was happening and that was nice. I also look back at myself in these pictures and see a different person. So much has happened in all areas of my life since then. Man, oh man.
The edit.
In the weeks after the first editor of the film and I managed to get a cut in for our masters project deadline. It went on to get a Merit grade or something like that. The concept of giving a film an academic grade is a weird one isn't it? Nonetheless, the final cut we handed in was okay but not great. This is no fault of the first editor because he did what I had asked and edited according to the script and notes. However, when I showed the film to my parents they had a different view. I showed it to my dad and he thought it needed some changing. It was his suggestion to go to my sister who herself is an accomplished film editor. I should have asked her to edit the film from the start but, you know, weird sibling dynamics at the time and I wanted to find my own person at film school. My sister saved the film. She took a look and together with my mum came up with the suggestion that the structure of the film be changed. My initial reaction was, "come on now don't disrespect my art like this dawg." To which my sister argued, "let me do it and show you what we mean." It was a masterstroke and I really must credit both of them for this idea. Another lesson in how important collaboration is when making a film and how one must learn to not be so attached to one way of seeing something.
The life of the film after it was done and my final thoughts.
The final version was shown at our graduation screening and, despite my nerves, was received with lots of laughter in the right places. Thank god for that. It went on to have a modest showing at some film festivals in Europe and America as well as many rejections. I think it was something like five selections and twenty-one non selections which is pretty funny but also what can one expect as a first time filmmaker? I didn't even know the importance of doing cover letters for film festival submissions and personalised ones at that! Unfortunately with the huge saturation of filmmakers in the world now you cannot have the attitude that the film will speak for itself because the reality is the people who select your film may not even get passed the first few minutes and move on quickly to the next film they're considering. Letting Go is without a doubt a film that needs to be watched in its entirety to feel anything for it and probably isn't strong enough given it's slow build at the start. That's my theory at least.
In late 2020 I decided to move to Skopje, Macedonia to pursue efforts in developing the community building activities of an NGO I'm working at but, I didn't want to give up on the filmmaking. Last year (2021) I entered Letting Go into the short film section of the Cinedays film festival here in Skopje. It got in and I was able to go the festival and see it on a big screen for the first time since my graduation in 2019. It was a really weird feeling. I was in Macedonia watching my student film and, thankfully, the laughs were in all the right places again. The film had a new life that evening and was such a great tool in getting to know some of the local creatives here.
It's no means a perfect film and nor should it be! It was my first short film! A piece of advise was given to me by the director Felix Thompson when he said, and I'm paraphrasing, "When I left NYU everyone kept jumping to try and reach for the stars immediately but, I didn't want to do that. My plan has been and will always be to see each film I do as a little box to stand on. With each new short film or script a new box can be added one by one. Then, at some point far down the line you may have so many little boxes to stand on that when you reach for the stars they aren't so far away." That's how I see Letting Go. It was my first box and taught me so much about how to get a film made, how to write, how to collaborate with others and how to enjoy the process of making a film.
To finish I want to go back to seeing a different person in the photos of the shoot. One of my biggest reflections in the past year about filmmaking, or the arts in general, is how each project you work on will say a lot about who you were and what you were feeling at the time. More than anything I want to use filmmaking as a way of capturing my life and how I feel in each moment when I have an opportunity to make a film. Letting Go has elements of realising how important it is to look directly at what might be challenging in our individual life or the importance of collective efforts in helping people feel connected. But, it has its flaws and immaturity, perhaps, in how it presents relationships and how some female characters are represented in film. Shortly after finishing the film some things happened in my personal life that really pushed me into a deep and long lasting sadness but, before that had happened I'd actually booked myself onto a five day improv course. By the time the course came around, I was not so enthusiastic about going. In the end I did go, albeit, with a lot of heaviness in my heart. But, I can say with complete confidence that the course gave me a slice of joy in the midst of a very hard time. If you're ever in a slump, do some improv. It might help.
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